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*~*Halie Marie*~*
17 July 2012 @ 05:43 pm
Derek had surgery yesterday. I checked in with him last night just to see how he was feeling, he sad he was sore. Honestly I'm not looking forward to the test results coming back, I would rather stay in the dark about how far along his cancer is. I'm scared to death to be honest. We didn't get a chance to see one another while he was home last week, hopefully we will next time. He owes me dinner at least for all the worrying I do lately. From the look of the pictures he had a good drunkin time, exactly what the boy deserves. Wish Devin and I could have joined I am sure we would have had stories to tell.

Every things on track for our vacation in September. We booked the hotel last week and today I ordered our free gas card through the bank. I can not wait to get out of here, away from the stress. I can't wait to hold hands and walk down the beach at night. I can't wait to go to Mackinaw and see all the beautiful things it has to offer. It's hard to believe that we have been married almost a year and that's what this trip is to celebrate. We were just talking the other day how it feels like we are still dating, but I guess that's a good thing. We are still so hopelessly in love that nothign has changed.
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
15 July 2012 @ 02:28 pm
Why is it that you only text me when your drunk?? What part of "I would give you the world" are you not understanding. I know you have no idea that your breaking my heart slowly, because well lets face it I will never really come out and tell you. I just won't risk loosing you. But seriously Mark Paul why am I only in your head when alcohol is involved. I know you have feelings for me, I just wish you would come out and say it. Your not going to loose me if your honest.
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
27 June 2012 @ 06:50 pm
I am finally going back to work tomorrow after being off for 6 weeks because of my latest surgery. As excited as I am, I'm terrified at the same time. I feel ready to go back but I am so scared that something is going to go wrong. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again although I feel like it is going to be ackward. Time will only well, I just need to get back into the swing of things.
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
29 March 2012 @ 10:54 pm
When you love someone the way I love my husband, there are no words. I am thankful everyday for the way he takes care of me and the way he handles all the obsticals we have. Hydrocephalus is hard for the person living it but even harder for the one that has to be along for the ride. I know I scare him but he will never let me see it. Instead he stands strong, lets me use him as my shoulder and strangth. I could never explain what it means to me to see his face when I open my eyes after surgeery.

The past few weeks have been so painful phsyically. I did my very best to be strong as long as i could. Last Thursday I thought my head was going to explode, and the short term memory loss was insane. As much as sugery is scary, I'm just so greatful to be feeling better. No headaches or neck pain at all. Just sleepless nights, I'm assuming it's a form of PTSD but it will get better with time. Always does.
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
19 December 2011 @ 10:27 am
It's amazing how fast time flys by. I have been Mrs. Devin Miller for 99 days today. Still feels like we are just dating but the fact that I can call him my husband makes me happier then I could ever put into words. Things lately have been very lonely he was out of town all week last week for work and is this week as well. He left this morning at 5am and I won't be seeing him til late Friday night. At least we have Christmas right around the corner so he has to be home. I look forward to Christmas with my family this year and I am incredably happy that his parents are in Georgia for the holiday. Once again I refuse to share him and don't care if that is selfish or not. West Branch depresses me so much.

We are going to Wicked on Christmas Eve and then dinner with the family. Sleeping at home that night and celebrating Christmas the next day with my parents and sister. We are discussing going bowling that. I love ths holidays. Aunt Marcy was in town this week she is apparently dating Fred Steinkoft, adorible I tell you. So we had dinner with the family and Freddy and Bob Hutton. I just love that everyone is home.


Merry Christmas and Happy New year
 
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
15 November 2011 @ 01:30 pm

I love random text messages from you 8 months after we last texted. I love that all it said was

"Is this Halie"
"Yes, whos this"
"Danny"

You will never know or understand your importantance in my life. I will never be able to explain the butterflies you give me or the pull I have sending me in your direction. I deep down always wonder if I have seen you at the mall or the movies. I wonder if you look for me the way I always look for you. I even went to Dave and Busters hoping you would walk in the door knowing it was near your home. I honestly hope we stay in contact for good this time. I miss you when your not around.

 
 
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
09 August 2011 @ 09:47 am
"I love you...I've loved you all along. I miss you you've been far away for far to long. "
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
03 August 2011 @ 08:54 pm
I don't know what is wrong with me, I have not felt this way in the longest time. I don't know if it's stress or loneliness or just a bunch of things rolled into one, but mentally I am about to loose it completely. I can't hold back the tears I've probably been crying for over an hour now. I feel so misunderstood and I for once would love for someone to ask me "how are you feeling today" and really want to know the honest answer. I am so sick of everyone else having the "right" to feel the way I am right now and me having to be the one with the fake ass smile on there face.

I could be feeling this way because I am completely on a lack of sleep. I have to sleep on a mattress in my parents living room because for some reason my bed has been donated to my uncle. And since I am a light sleeper and get woken up multiple times a night, I could just being going crazy at this point. I am sure the headache is all stress from lots of things. And the loneliness just happens when I'm away from Devin for this long. It's only 2 more day I can do this, or at least I have to make myself believe I can do this.
 
 
Current Mood: stressedstressed
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
26 April 2011 @ 09:04 am
So much has been going on lately, my head is almost spinning. When they say time fly it really does. Most everything is set for the wedding now, I still think my FMIL in crazy. I would like her to just once look joyous about everything going on. And for god sake is the only thing your worried about the drinking at this wedding oh and lets not forget price. I would just once like to hear "I'm so happy for the both of you, you deserve all the happiness in the world" instead of "how much is this going to cost." She should care what it cost, my parents have paid for everything. I love that we are less then 5 months from our wedding day and she has yet to offer any help at all.

I booked the hotel room yesterday for the day we leave for the cruise. I am super excited for our honeymoon. I'm actually beginning to be happy trhat it's only going to be the two of us. I promised myself when we started the planning process over a year ago, I was not going to let myself get stressed. I have so far stuck to my promise. Uncle Jeff and Aunt Marianne sent us our cake server on easter and Aunt Marcy the guest book. All the really left to do is mail down a  timeline for that day, getting dresses for Kylie and Ava and taslk to the DJ. No sweat.

Other then that Devin started a new job 2 weeks ago, working for Dan. It was really hard at first only seeing him late at night and early in the morning. But the money is wonderful and he seems to be liking it.
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
22 December 2010 @ 07:56 am
Mom "surprise" party was two days ago, I have to admit it went very well. There were about 20 people at the resturant including the Cignas. I can't help that everytime I see them all I think about is Joey. All in all I think mom was pretty overwelmed but she handled it so well. She loved her birthday gift from Devin and I. I actually kept it a secret, it about killed me to do so.

I still can't believe that Christmas is right around the corner. All the shopping is done, just a little bit of wrapping to do. We are spending Christmas Eve at my parents and then leaving Christmas day to see my in-laws. Thankfully Christmas is on Saturday so we can actually stay for a more thena  few hours. I feel like they think I keep him from them, I really don't try too.

As for wedding stuff the save-the-dates came about a week ago, talk about beautiful. And Tasnya said she would officate the ceremony. So far everything is falling into place. I really couldn't be happier.
 
 
Current Mood: happyhappy
 
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
14 December 2010 @ 08:20 pm
It feels like just yesterday that you and I stopped talking. I have never had an explination of why that event happened last year around this time. But since I'm so greatful that your back I'm going to let that slide. I feel like we picked up just where we left off and I love that. Welcome back and please don't go away again.
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
30 November 2010 @ 10:49 am
My mom and I ordered our Save The Dates yesterday. After all the sadness around here since Wednesday it was really nice do just get another peice of the puzzle completed. I understood this morning what mom meant when she said it was lonely around here. I guess it's not real to me that Roxies really gone because I don't live in this house anymore. I walked in the door expecting her to be here, no such thing happened. I know it will get easier, but for now we are all still grieveing.
 
 
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Shes More ~ Andy Griggs
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
14 October 2010 @ 11:55 am

I know they say you cant go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.
But these handprints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
If I could just come in I swear i'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From "Better Homes and Garden" magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like i'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear i'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.


You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.


I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like i'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear i'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
 
 
Current Mood: blankblank
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
29 September 2010 @ 02:13 pm
Finally we have a photographer!! I feel so much less stressed now. The only to big things left to do are get a DJ and book the honeymoon and we are still a little less then 12 months out. God this makes me feel so damn good. I am so excited.
 
 
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
01 September 2010 @ 10:35 am
I can't believe that we are getting married in 375 days. It honest to god blows my mind away. It never felt real til this past week when we start to plan everything full force. I got all the candles in for the center pieces, the bags for the favors and the back drop for the cake. We are going to visit with the baker in the up coming weeks and I am going to see the officent on Saturday. HOLY SHIT WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS!!
 
 
Current Mood: excitedexcited
 
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
21 July 2010 @ 10:39 am
Everything is moved in and has been for about 3 weeks now. We still have a bit to unpack, but we haven't stayed in our new place but two days. We have been house and pet sitting for Mary most of this month, which has been nice. It's going to take some getting use to, but I do really enjoy it being out on my own. Sometimes it can just be a bit lonely. I now understand what my mom means by "I don't want to be the mom anymore." Making the choices all the time is something I hate doing. Why at 7am before we leave in the morning can't he try to tell me an idea for dinner one night so I don't always have to know. I didn't grow up ina  house where frozen food was an option like he did, I want him to know that home cooking is something normal, I just need help deciding what to make. Other then that everything has been peachy, we are a lot closer now. I didn't think that was going to happen, but it has.

We been planning our honeymoon this past week or at least talking about it. Looks like we are going to Vegas. I am very excited about this. The more time I spend looking at the city and things to do the more I wish we could leave now. Who says you can't have the honeymoon before the wedding? I think thats a good idea. But maybe I'm just in need of a vacation.
 
 
Current Location: My moms
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Jason Michael Carroll
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
27 June 2010 @ 10:59 am

4 days from now we get the keys to our own place. A place we will call home just me and you. It's the beginning and I am so happy for it. I still have so much packing to do, but taking my "believe" off the wall is seeming to be the hardest part. Once I do that it really means we are leaving. Having the keys to our front door is going to be a shock to both of us I think. We get to make our own rules.

I don't think much is going to change, we have basically lived together for the past two years. It's just going to be different knowing that when I wake up in the morning its just him and I.

Dating Febuary 4th, 2008
Engaged December 19th, 2009
New Place July 1st, 2010
Married September 11, 2011

 
 
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
23 May 2010 @ 07:28 pm
I never thought it would happen been I am honestly scared to death of running into. I am scared that if someday by the grace of god we are standing within feet of one another you will completely freak out on me. I never thought that would happen. I was at the mall today and I have to admit that my guard was up 100%. I don't want to be afraid of your face. I don't want to be scared and have to watch my back. I wish we could be friends. I wish I could still call you on my worst days. I feel like even if I was to email you, she would read it first anyway and it wouldn't even get to you. Why did this have to happen? It's a shame that we all just can't get along.
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Kelly Pickler
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
17 April 2010 @ 12:37 pm
Everytime she tells me something her last statement is "But don't tell Devin". What part of we tell each other everything does she not understand. Maybe things with her and Joey would be better if she told him things instead of hiding them. Don't get me wrong I am one of those people that believes in love at first site but I think they definately moved way to fast. Yes I was friends with her first but I feel like everytime there is a disagreement between them I am standing in Joeys corner. I am sick of the shit she puts him through for no reason at all. I think my last straw was the basketball comment. He works hard and if he wants to watch sports on his tv, he damn well better be able to do that. I'm sorry but that's what I believe even if that's taking his side.

I don't feel like they should be getting married, I don't feel like it will last. I think she is just marring him for the ring and the gifts. I don't think I have ever heard them say I love you, seen them hold hands except for that first night or seen them kiss. I just hope they both think about this before they go through with this marriage.
 
 
*~*Halie Marie*~*
10 April 2010 @ 06:18 pm



It's been over two years and I have you with me every step I take. No one has a clue what this tattoo is really about, but when I look down I still smile.

 


 
 
Current Music: Hinder